Chicago Broads

We arrive in Sioux Falls @ 1am. It's Adam birthday and the kid needs a drink, actually he just needs bed, but I think he'll settle for the latter. I guess in Sioux Falls bars/restaurants don't follow their advertised hours, because the two places in the hotel were closed. There was also a water park inside aka one slide. I'd have more fun with a 5ft slip'n slide. We find a Buffalo Wild Wings willing, kinda, to serve us food and a couple beers at the bar. We hit the sack at around 2:30-3 and arise early to continue driving to Chi City aka the City of Wind aka Chicago. Before we leave though, Peanut has time to shave and join the handlebar mustache club with me, boy do we look good.

To get there though, we had to continue driving through South Dakota (damit) and then through Minnesota (meant to be read Min-es-oooo-ta). The drive was boring so we spent the day looking up useless but interesting informatin that we either were seeing as we were driving or had heard about, such things as:

Q:How does the pollution output of cows (yes they pollute with methane - burps mostly) compare with that of an automobile?
A: A single cow produces the same if not more pollution in a year that a car. How about that for greenhouse gases.

Q: What is the percentage rate for vesectomy reversals?
A: Like 75% of something, which blew Peanut away. So there is a chance to go back if you please and still be able to procreate.

Q: What kind of power do these huge wind mills we are seeing produce?
A: Enough to power 1400 homes for a year. Dam. We need to be more efficent on the east coast.

Q: Is there such a thing a garbage island?
A: Yes, apparently there are these currents in the ocean that all converge to a certain area and any garbage disposed of in the ocean and in these currents will end up in a single place, forming a clump of garbage in the middle of the ocean.

We also stop at a really nice McDonald's. God I hate McDonald's. I eat here twice a year maybe, I've met my quota for the year. We get a box of 20 fried, filled surprises aka chicken nuggets because we all know that shit ain't chicken and Peanut figures out that we'll (he'll need one packet of bbq sauce for every 4 nuggets. He was gross to watch him apply a thick layer of sauce to every nugget. He shoulda just order a medium bbq shake. We also get a chance to open one of our sex trinkets that we bought in the perveted southern bathrooms we used a few weeks earlier. It was called a "Bikini Condom" so we were obviously pretty intrigued, but kinda disappointed that it was just a regular condom with a loaded name. We still had fun with it though. Adam unrolled it with his teeth and then inflated it by hanging it out the window and then put it on the antenna. It only stayed for a few seconds. We hoped it landed on the windshield of the car behind us. Adam drove the last stretch to Lake Bluff, IL where we were to be staying and it was a long/boring ride so I read aloud all the blogs from the begining. It was cool to re-live the trip one day at a time. We laughed our asses off, especially at Adam looking at that old man's junk at Mt. Rushmore.

We are now driving so much that the most exciting thing to do in the car other than play with these sex trinkets is to drive. For the past week or more our average in car time has gone up to at least 12hrs a day, with the high being 24hrs and the low being maybe 10. We each drive usually for up to 6 hours or more also, which is much more than what we had started out doing. We each just want something to do and want to get there as fast as possible.

We arrive at our destination, we stop, and sit in the car for a couple seconds laughing. You've got to be kidding, we are staying in a manchine. Peanut's Uncle greets us at the door warmly and invites us in. Lol. Hahah. The house is gorgeous. I'm trying not to stare. We eat and bs on the back patio and then are shown to our rooms. Adam and I are staying in a bedroom with two single beds, its own bathroom with a shower big enough to fit at least 10 people, and legit 20ft celings. Peanut has a private room with a cooridoor leading to it's entrance. His room had a queen, same deal with the shower + a seat (I hope he didn't put his ass on that thing) and a balcony. We are getting settled in our rooms and I think Adam was in the shower so I head over to Peanut's room to talk about our night and I can see him from the end of his hallway with a set of num-chucks. Where the fuck did this kid get num-chucks, has he had him this whole ride and been practicing when we go to sleep? He is swinging them around all serious about it until I catch him mid Bruce Lee and he gets quiet with em and looks a little embarrassed, caught ya.

Ok so Peanut's Uncle (the man), hooks us up with a baller place to stay, cooks us dinner, gets us box seats at the Whitesox game, and then sets us up with a couple of girls our age down the street to hang out with. We aren't leaving, then he reminds us we can't stay, haha

Eat, shit, shower, shave, and walk 5 houses down to rendez-vous with some locals for a pre-game gathering and then to head to Highwood to a couple bars. The girls didn't seem all that bad at first...then they opened their mouths. Actually one of them gets a little rude with us after having a poor sense of humor (just kill yourself) and tells us she doesn't like us, as I've heard Peanut say before, "you couldn't have made this any easier for me". We don't like you either. We walk home stunned @ 3AM, but there were still a few left that liked us so we were good.

We drive into the city listening to stictly Common and Kayne West (Chicago based artists), it just felt more authentic. We visit Wrigley Stadium home the the Chicago Cubs. There are apartments surrounding the stadium with bleechers on their roofs that I'm sure cost a pretty penny to sit in, someone was thinking! We drive to Linkin Park and stand on the shore of Michigan Lake, admire the beauty of the city from a mile or two out, and let the wind blow us (that's what she said). We head into downtown to Pizzeria Uno the birthplace of deep dish pizza. On the way there though I almost get into 10 car accidents looking at all the beautiful women. Hey if there being pointed to my attention I have to look. Best looking city in terms of people thus far and I'm not sure if that helped in our mutual decision that Chicago was the best city we've been too also. Our pizza though, a large, 8 slices at about 2lbs each, we each ate 1.5 pieces and thought we were going to die. Adam said his head hurt, Peanut said he was dizzy, and I felt like purging. Bad mood full. We walk it off to the Willis(Sears) Tower which is the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere and take the elevator @ 24ft/second to the SkyWalk top floor. Peanut is nervous as soon as we get out and won't get close to the windows, "it's safer in the middle", I'm not sure if he said that here or in the tower we climbed at the Grand Canyon, either way, I know he was thining it. We hop on the subway and head to Cellular Field where the White Sox play. We know we have good tickets but aren't prepared to sit 29 rows behind homeplate. Awesome seats. Thanks again to Peanut's uncle. Peanut was getting a little confused though because all the people walking through the isle selling food kept calling "Peanuts Peanuts". The game was a blowout but still great to watch. We also watched the third period on the Blackhawk vs Flyers NHL Stanley Cup game from a bar in the bullpen. Pretty cool. Hockey isn't so bad.

We leave here and meet up with a couple of the Chicago broads we had met the night before...here we go. I'm just gonna say it, they are social re-tards (it is the term still used). I had better conversations with Peanuts' uncle's dog Trevor, actually I've had more intelligent conversations with a boot. Dam. We had had enough of their
nothingness and ditched them while they were in a bathroom. Then I start blowing up (cellphone texts). We feel bad and make Adam go out and meet em in the street because it was his idea to leave them. They come in and they still suck. They invite us to their hotel room, we go, they still suck. Then they have the audacity to openly insult us, and I see red for the first time in a while but luckily Adam saw it in my face. Okkkk "the squirrel has pneomonia" (the code for when it was time to leave). Phew. Anyways, thanks for trying to show us out.

This was our last night in Chicago or for that matter our last night of the trip. We fight to buy each other rounds at the bar and feel as though we are only half way done with our trip. We are/aren't ready to be home. Holy shit, where have three weeks gone, you know, I know where they went: Duke, UNC, Charolette, NOLA, Houston, Austin, Roswell, Alburqurque, Petrified Forest, Grand Canyon, San Diego, Hollywood, Pepperdine, San Fran, PCH, Redwood National Forest, Sand Dunes National Park, Cannon Beach, Glacier National Park, Yellowstone, Teton National Forest, Badlands, Mt. Rushmore, Sioux Falls, Chicago, and now back home in Connecticut.

Things we've learned:
1. Peanut likes country music a lot.
2. Adam really likes pepper.
3. Adam and Peanut make fun of each other all day but are secretly in love.

On the way home from Chicago I ask Peanut and Adam to write their own closing thoughts on the trip. I watch them struggle for hours with blinking cursors and single lines on their screens. They struggle to put our experience into words. There will be three more entries. One from each of us with our closing thoughts. First one will be up tonight. Don't miss em, you might be surprised at what you here.