H-town Remix I & II

So here we are on Day 2 of Houston, TX. Let me start by saying, Peanut was a hero and drove the entire way from NOLA to Houston. I think what happened was that because he was sweating so much he just slimmed to the seat or just didn't want to see what his shirt/shorts looked like. We are also "roughing it" again. We all have full sized beds, a beautiful home to stay in, great hosts, a pool, tour guide, and had large and in charge t-bone steaks awaiting our arrival.

Everyone's heard things are bigger in Texas right? Let me clarify,
Things that are bigger in Texas:
1. Salt shakers (explains a lot if you catch my drift)
2. Glasses of water (actually we could have called them mop buckets. The House of Pies in downtown Houston @ 3AM. I think they just figured we had been drinking...they were right)
2. Flags (these things would take 30 minutes to roll and would require 3 people to carry, no joke)
3. Steaks/portions (I'm gaining weight, miracle I know)
4. Churches (Why do you need a church bigger than a high school?)
5. Houston, just this city, is half the size of Connecticut. Just to put that in perspective. No wonder everyone here fails geography. In Katy alone, where we are staying there are 6 goddamn high schools.

Things we've learned:
1. Tex/Mex is banging.
2. BBQ Beef brisket, enough said.
3. Adam uses every bathroom at every establishment we go to. He's not number twoing all the time, he says. I think he just goes inside to check things out or write his number on the bathroom wall.
4. People don't know where Connecticut is and they think we are rude, or that's what they have told us their preconceived notions were. We prove them wrong time and time again by shutting down each Bar we've been to, literally.
5. Friday Night Lights/Varsity Blues, that actually happens here (high school stadium seats 12,000)
6. Adam has built quite the alias, he's a mechanical engineer who just graduated from UCONN and is now working at GE. He also is a firefighter part-time and actually got burned pretty badly saving his neighbors from their burning home. They're eating it up.
7. Peanut now has 17.5" biceps, they grew since being here in Texas, weird.

Something Texas should learn:
1. Your bridges will not ice in cold weather because 75 degrees is not cold.

So we went to the NASA facility yesterday, pretty cool place. Peanut and I turned on every switch in every cockpit we were in. This outing also led to bathroom trips ending in countdowns, 10.9.8.7.6.5.4.3.2.1.flush. and lots of "Houston we have a problem"s (from the texmex that is). The best part of the NASA visit was the play-escape inside the building. It caught my eye right away and even during the 15 minute video on the history of NASA all I could think about was that 40ft spiral slide. Peanut actually was aloud inside based on height requirements, but I found my way inside too. I know why there are height requirements now because I was literally stuck in the entrance of the slide. We got the ride down on video. I was giggling the whole time and when Peanut appeared from the opening he was dimpled and smiles from ear to ear. Mad fun.

We go out to this place called Brick House Tavern. Adam orders a "sissy" sized beer from the menu. He actually said that to the waitress, fag. After we all finish our beers and Adam finishes his milk we order BEER BONGS. WHATTTT! 100oz tubes that sit in the middle of our table and swivel and have their own taps. Wicked cool. That tap will never work the same, at the expense of Peanut and I's curiosity. We had 2 and had our waitress and company hanging out with us at our tables until we shut the place down, a g a i n. 2:20AM.

Gotta haircut at SportCuts. They have lockers and wear referee uniforms.

So plans have changed a little, today we should actually be on our way to Roswell, NM but most likely we would still be in Texas. State is huge. Instead we are sitting on a couch, indoors with the ac on obviously, going to play some Frisbee at a local park, doing laundry, and finally heading to...AUSTIN, TX to party on 6th Street with Thor and Koreans (we were confused too, whatever).

For the kids (56 seconds for buckets): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHcvWBfRNGk

Round two - DING

Holy crap we need to leave this city. We are spending way too much money, our bodies aren't used to humidity, and we also have something called morals...sometimes.

Yesterday we spent the day walking around. We must have tourist targets on ("BANG BANG", says Peanut). I don't think it was my straw hat though.

We park, 5 seconds later Adam gives someone a dollar.

We walk up to the shore of the Mississippi and get asked, "I bet I can tell you where you got dem shoes, city, and state". The answer, "You got one on your left, one on your right, and your standing in New Orleans, Louisiana". This was followed by him trying to squirt "shoe cleaner" or hotel bathroom conditioner on our shoes. I saw one guy cleaning Peanuts, their still dirty, just conditioned.

"I know how many kids your father has". The answer, "None, your mom had kids silly".

"Tell me your first name and I can spell your last name".
-"Matt"
-"Ok Matt, and y.o.u.r. l.a.s.t. n.a.m.e."

All these things were followed by give me a dollar. Fuck that.

The one guy we didn't mind giving money too, called me out from down the road, we ignored the strippers and stopped with the man with the bucket, he liked my hat. He said, "I'm the best in the streets", while holding a bucket so obviously we were curious. He proceeds to put his face in the bucket...so your the best at snuffing chemicals inside a bucket...nope, wrong. He was the best in the streets at free styling about me with his face in a bucket!!!!!!!

We eat at a place called PoBoys that is recognized by the Travel Channel. Whole in the wall place that served fried whatever they feel like on a french baguette. It was banging! We then walk to Cafe du Monde, well known for french pastries, we get three and watch our cash register women lick her fingers in between putting powdered sugar on the pastries and then holding money and then repeating the process. YumYum...While we are talking food, we eat dinner at Deanies in the french quarter. Service was at warp speed, we felt like we were racing to finish what was in front of us before the next thing came, we lost every time, so she just took our plates mid-chew.

We rode the trolley, they forgot to tell us to get off.

We smoked our corn pipes on the shore of the Mississippi. Watched a steam ferry float by. We discussed how much we are loving this trip.

Hot Topics:
1. Emily asks if we get car sick, Peanut replies "only when you drive". We think she's related to Danica Patrick. Her car needs new struts and brakes.
2. Our first stop on Bourbon St. was at a bar called "Le Booze". Little classy for us, we watch the Celtics game then get approached by a gentleman casually dressed. He asks for dip, whata know. We might know someone who has some. He goes on to tell us he's some bigwig at a fortune 500 company and then gets on a soapbox and proceeds to discuss with us the importance of integrity now that we are new grads and have jobs. Adam is also currently a GE mechanical engineer. He buys us 2 rounds and also gives us 3 tickets to a strip club...gotta love the irony there, hahahaha.
3. Adam and I can't believe we bought $4 slices of pizza. You suck.
4. We pet police horses.
5. Peanut has "16.5" biceps.
6. Peanut and I had $18 daiquiris. We're not gay.


There's a superhero named Thor in Houston with an itinerary waiting. Lets flush this toilet.

Traveled back in time to a place called Nola.

So let me start off by saying, its hot.

Lets head back to our night in Charlotte:
We ended up going across the street to a local sports bar for some dinner which oddly boasted all Pittsburgh sports memorabilia (yes we were still in Charlotte). We sat with some locals and eventually our good looks and approachability brought over the only crying middle aged women in the bar, or actually the only woman in the bar. She was a nurse go figure, who had just gotten into a fight with her beau and that had just "accidentally" broken her wrist. The good murses that Peanut and I are we used some therapeutic communication accompanied by a Michelob Ultra and I gave her a musculoskeletal assessment at the bar and told her to RICE (rest,ice,compress,elevate).

Charlotte reminded me of Gotham City, minus the crazy clowns on dirt bikes and Danny Divito dressed as a penguin. We ended up at a bowling alley the could have been straight from the movie Boogie nights. Fun.

Mind you, we were staying less than 5 minutes outside of downtown. With that being said, we get in the car after Boogie Nights Bowling and Adam falls asleep almost instantly, lol ridiculous. So Peanut and I decided when we arrived back at the hotel that Adam looked too peaceful to wake up hahahaha. We leave him in the car and lock the doors. I get a call @ 3:45AM, its Adam, and he mumbles "the alarm". He actually believed that we tried to wake him up.

We wake up pretty dehydrated and head down to our complimentary breakfast that included fresh omelets, toast, home fries, fruit, 9 road yogurts and 2 hotel spoons.

We hit the Open road...but stop 30min later @ JR's Tobacco Outlet in South Carolina. Adam is in the bathroom for 35minutes so Peanut and I have to pretend to isle shop. We fought the urge of buying a bag of M80's, next time. A woman trucker inside (haha), knew where Hamden, CT was (which creeped Peanut out a litte) and then bought a 30 rack of Busch Light @ 9:30AM and was antsy to get out of the store and drink them. Worth mentioning was the stack of fly swatters big enough to kill Hummingbirds and also the purchase of 3 corncob pipes and some Middleton's Cherry Tobacco. So we all John Hancock their toilet bowl and hit the road.

Every time we see a 18 wheel tanker we guess what's inside: Milk, lemonade, yogurt, liquid Nitrogen, AIDS (McCarthy's guess).

Hot Topics:
1. I think Adam has IBS.
2. Peanut smells worse than New Jersey.
3. We saw ski masks for sale inside a gas station in Georgia, wtf does someone in Georgia need a ski mask for in the middle of May, unless they plan on robbing a gas station...
4. Hit 1000k South of Atlanta (cool looking city)
5. Today we traveled back in time or entered Central Standard Time.
6. We bought a "Sneak a Peak" and a "Tingler Ring" in a bathroom.
7. "Men don't wear dresses...do they" - referencing a couple of things we weren't sure what to called them that walked by us last night

New Orleans (NOLA)
We rendez-vous with Emily in downtown Nola. Let me begin by saying, she is awesome to let 3 strangers bunk up with her and show us a good time. This place is sweet. Outdoor music, friendly people, lots to do. We pick her up from a cafe and then we head back to her place so drop some of our stuff off. We end up eating a local establishment (we want local food) called Jacques-IMOS where there are tables setup outside and also one side the bed of a truck in front of the restaurant. We eat crawfish, alligator cheesecake, and shrimp. We were also told that the oil should be reaching the shore within the next couple of days and that seafood will be wiped out for the next 5 years here. We had to get some in.

PG rated for the kids: We get dropped off on Bourbon street, its 11PM. Holy shit this place is crazy. We get a cab home and wander/run through the hallways of Emily's apartment complex for 10minutes its 3AM and she has to come find us. We were happy to see her/can't decide whether she thought the same considering today she had to go to work.

Things learned:
1. No open container laws, yes folks, you don't have to chug your drink when your ready to leave a bar, you can just gingerly walk outside with it and then into another bar if you please. We caught each other a few times with the bottles upside down for no reason.
2. Adam likes tobacco.

Emily left us a list of things to do, we're gonna do em. Tonight we are heading out to a bar near Tulane University with .50cent drink specials, something we are used to.

I'll keep writing if you keep reading.

durty south

So, we have arrived in Charlotte unharmed and in good health.

Hot topics of the day:
1. Adam: forgot to wake up for his vacation, then forgot his wallet. Shits and sleeps only. Is wearing jorts (jean shorts).
2. McCarthy and I (Adam sleeping) saw a man on the other side of the highway driving a chariot, yes folks a goddamn chariot in the middle lane, like something you would see out of Gladiators with a helmet and smile.
3. The weather is crazy. It's hot for 30min, then rains for 2min, then is chilly. We are at a constant battle with the windshield wipers and the front windows.
4. We are "roughing it" thanks to Michael Baldwin. Aka staying at a hotel that is too nice for 3 college dudes in a corner sweet. Which also had an open bar which equated to 18 free Yuenglings in 30 minutes, the game asshole, free nachos, we're drunk.
5. In the area of Naughatuck ("The Great American Valley") we drove past a women at 5:15AM dragging a carcass of some sort across the highway with her bare hands. Lol ridiculous.
6. People living close to the highway have more broken down cars in their yard than trees.
7. Tried to buy a .75 cent "sex kit" in a bathroom stop outside of Greensboro, it was rusted shut. Next time.
8. We were good citizens for an un momento today. We saw a homeless man before getting on 40W today in Chapel Hill. Obviously I said, "Pick em up". McCarthy agreed. We rolled passed and McCarthy asked, " Where you going?", the man replied, "All the way", lol we kept driving.
9. A UCONN sticker might have accidentally slipped out of my pocket and ended up on a toliet paper roll dispener inside a Duke bathroom, just saying.

Things learned today:
1. UNC campus is better than Duke's.
2. There is more rubber on the side of the road than dead animals.
3. McCarthy is 5'4" 1.5" (he says) and weight 190lbs are you freaking serious.
4. People down south know how to properly use the left lane and their speed limit is 70mph or known in the mini van as anything over 70mph, aka don't drive in it unless you plan on passing everyone in the middle while listening to Ludacris "Act a Fool".
5. They like tobacco and so does Adam; packing a lipper Q2hrs (every 2 hours non nurses).

Tonight we are heading to BAR Charlotte which has a strange dress code, you can wear hats but must tuck in your shirt and can't wear solid colored shirts, wtf. It's a southern thing I guess.

Made contact with our...contact in New Orleans. Gonna meet up with her tomorrow.

t - 1 = holy fcking shit we leaving in a few hours

So in approximately 5 hours Matt Peanut McCarthy will be arriving in my driveway (3:45AM EST). From there we will be picking up Adam at his roommates house (I mean parents house). He hopefully will still be drunk from the Pearl Jam concert that he decided to go to tonight. He "asked me" if I minded if he slept in the morning, I told him it was no problem just not to fall asleep with his shoes on (couch rules apply even in a moving vehicle).

Tomorrow we plan on driving through UNC and Duke campuses and I'm bringing a little Husky pride with me, I hope they don't mind/arrest me. Then hopefully to Charlotte for a few drinks.

I'll keep you posted!

t - 2 = anxiety

Greetings everyone or anyone who will decide to brush up on these postings our journey through America.

So... Adam, McCarthy, and myself will be embarking on a trip which includes driving through some 30 states, dables into Mexico and Canada, 5 National Parks, college campuses, some 10 major cities, and only the open road knows what else awaits us.

Mini van has been serviced. Packing has begun. Camera's being charged. Lunar launcher leaves at 4AM sharp Sunday morning.

First stop, whenever someone has to pee.