You wouldn't believe it if it wasn't documented

BUZZZZZZZ!

We wake up early without a problem for the first time since this trip started. Peanut and I head to a breakfast buffet downstairs. This is what he literally ate, two bites of scrambled eggs, 4 home fries, and 2 cut up chunks of pineapple, then looks and me laughing and says he's full. He gets up walks around and contemplates his lack of appetite, sits down and gets a piece of bread and one chili pepper which he just plays with. He is now officially the sissy.

Onto the Canyon!!!! We were a little disappointed the other day when crossing from Texas into New Mexico because nothing changed. I think we had figured we would cross the border and there would be a line in the landscape dividing the two, that was not the case. Today though, we felt like we were in New Mexico; sand dunes, red rock, 1000ft raised rock formations, and Navajo Indian reservations. What we weren't expecting was snow...yes, snow on top of a particular mountain that had elevation over 11,000ft, which I guess makes sense, but it is still not something we expected and also the extreme poverty of these people. It made us reflect on what we have at home and how privileged/lucky we are to be brought up the way we have.

But first we stop at the Petrified Forest National Park. We buy a one year pass for $80 to all National Parks since we will be hitting a few more of them. We get out of the car at the first scenic view and it is really windy, windy enough to lean into the wind. We see a fence and my explorer intuition tells me to jump over it and head down the ravine into what looks like the planet Mars. Sand dunes of red and white. Unbelievable. Peanut and Adam follow and we film each other running up 200ft sand hills. Elevation 6000ft +. This does not go over so well for Peanut, he actually requests a 45% o2 non-rebreather mask which in the nursing world is something you give to a patient who is severely lacking oxygen. After this I actually think he has a pulmonary embolism, lol he's struggling to breath and has a weird dry cough that won't seem to disappear. We leave, its windy, and we still have a couple hours driving to get to the southern rim of the Grand Canyon.

That's when it all started...we see this ominous sign that says "Highway Closed due to Dust Storm", we joke about it and plan to buzz right through it. Well, that didn't go as planned because the highway was blocked off by highway patrol and we can see why because on the horizon it looks like the high priest Imhotep from the movie the Mummy has just created a dust storm ready to swallow up our Mini Van. We find a way around the road block and head into the middle of the desert to bypass the highway. We drove right into the belly of the storm, I'm talking 30miles thick. It was unbelievable and quite frankly one of the coolest things I have done ever!

The Grand Canyon, wow there really is not much more to say. Please visit here before you kick the can. That shit is really Grand. No joke. We were mostly speechless and smiles ear to ear. But that didn't last for too long because there were fences to go around and goating to do. We also have to convert from wearing sneakers, shorts, and t-shirts to boots, pants, and sweatshirts because it was 41 degrees outside and very windy. AND then it SNOWED. It flurried for about 30 minutes with us on the canyon's edge. Unbelievable. We stop at multiple look outs and see how close we can get to the edge without loosing continence. We watch what was left of the sunset and hit the road.

It was dark, we had just ate, I was tired, and my turn to drive so broke down and took literally 2 sips of a "5 Hour Energy" drink, which wasn't so bad if anyone is wondering. This makes me feel like I am on PCP. I have the mini van cruise control on 90mph and listen to old school techno and contend with the strictly 18 wheeler traffic (Unbelievable. I saw 3 regular cars in 2hrs of driving). Peanut then proceeds to tell us that he drank 2 of these when we got in the car. He is literally up in front with Adam and I talking 100 words a second, laying across the front seats, pokes out both lenses of his sunglasses and wears them around in the mini van getting real close to our faces and then turns on the lights, and does a few mini van suicide sprints. Absolutely ridiculous right...30 minutes later...scknaaaa scknaaaa scknaaaa, this kid is lying on his back across all the luggage snoring. WTF???? Adam and I laugh about how crazy he is. We wake him up at the hotel and he tells us he never drank the 5 Hour Energy Drinks. Hahahahaha. What the heck, so that whole time he was just acting like a 7 year old without Ritalin for the fun of it. This ladies and gentleman is Peanut, in a peanut shell.

What we've learned:
1. Fences are meant to go around.
2. When we get a wiff of peaches Adam is dipping.
3. Peanut is deathly afraid of heights, or as he calls it "allergic". I'll vouch for this, he turns red, shakes, and just looks really uncomfortable. It was awesome to watch this.
4. Adam gets silently cranky when he's hungry.
5. I get cranky.
6. No one can tell when Peanut is lying or being serious.
7. 28 cent stamps cost 50 cents.

We lost our virginity to the following items today:
1. almost hitting a tumble weed.
2. seeing snow in a desert.
3. 3000k in a car. Go figure, I hate being in the car. Only 6000miles left to go.

We made it as far as Kingsman, AZ about 30 miles east of California. Tomorrow we head south to San Diego to meet up with Baldwin. Should be an interesting few days.

Where are we again?

I'm picking up where I left off.

We go outside to workout in Houston and its hot, I mean way too hot for New Englanders. We exercise a bit, I get close to 20 thorns in my feet for running around barefoot, Peanut gets a cutoff shirt tan, and Adam gets...winded? I dunno.

We leave Houston and drive 2 hrs to Austin, Texas because we hear 6th Street in downtown Austin makes Bourbon Street look like an appetizer, they caught our attention a wee bit. We get the hook up at a Hilton, check in, and take a cab to an eatery downtown (which I might add was a major rip-off because our cab ride home was half the cost, the cab driver asked us if we wanted to go the fast way or the slow way, we obviously replied the fast way, he must of had dyslexia), have a few drinks, and then head to a house party (I thought now that I graduated college I was done with these, I guess what's one more).

So the Koreans...they drank heavily. We watched them do countless, actually 10 shots is what we counted one kid take (champion btw) of FeeSue (Thor I'm sorry for the spelling). Which is alcoholic potion that makes you think your invisible to the effects of alcohol because it does not taste like your drinking liquor, I've seen multiple go down by this stuff, we stick to about 4 shots of this and 1 of Crown that made us all cringe. We head downtown and then whatayaknow. The kids we are with get into a fight within maybe 1 minute of us getting out of the car. We aren't involved so we stand to the side, watch them throw bows in the street, and jot down notes in my phone for the blog.

We evade arrest and enter a bar. First order of business, bathroom. Peanut and I approach the urinals and realize we are staring directly into a two-way window onto the dance floor...just imagine the commentary this provokes while peeing.

We say goodbyes to Thor in the streets of Austin and take a cab back. Adam falls asleep while Peanut and I talk to our driver about god knows what (taxi cab confessions stuff). We get back and Peanut and I aren't ready to go to bed, Adam is, he's sleeping its 2:30AM and we are supposed to be leaving at 7:00AM (HAHAHA NOT HAPPENING). We're hungry naturally and head down to the front desk. We chat up the gay man working behind the desk and end up eating our room service at the desk with him. We talk about all sorts of things. Guess what? He doesn't know where Connecticut is either. Fuck these people. Oh yea in the midst of our drunken rambling I recall that Peanut calls the gay hotel employee gorgeous. I started crying, laughing wasn't enough at this moment. Oh and apparently we had a noise complaint...woops.

He wake up @ 9:30AM after 10 snooze battles and feel all chipper and ready to drive for the next 13hrs. Just kidding.

We leave Austin and actually see elevation in the landscape for the first time in 3 days other than large termite mounds and piles of maneur. The drive over to New Mexico was interesting to say the least, speed limits of 70 and 75mph, desolate highways (I'm talking looking at grass and fields to the horizon on either side of the car), almost no turning of the steering wheel (the one turn there was Peanut almost missed), driving through a dust storm, hitting 2000 miles on the mini, Peanut and I entertain ourselves up front by balancing one penny on each finger tip while having our hands out the window and doing tricks with our hands (we're silly/delirious we know) and finally gassing up at random gas station in the middle of Texas where we bumped into a couple girls from UCONN who just graduated and were on a road trip and had almost identical route plans as us. We pull over to watch the sunset in the New Mexican desert, it was beautiful.

Things we've learned:
1. Peanut should not be allowed to use the camcorder. He films everything and nothing, usually with the zoom fully out so the video is so shaky you would think he was sitting on a block of ice bare ass. The best part of this is that he is laughing the whole time because he knows Adam has to edit all of this bullshit video he is taking. I watch Adam from the rear view mirror, he doesn't look amused, but that makes it more funny.
2. Roswell sucks. Don't go there unless you want to be disappointed. We pulled over and talked to some cows in the desert while looking for this so called "Bottomless Lake". It looked like a puddle. We see airplanes not UFO's but call them UFO's to humor ourselves for driving 10hrs to get there. We just see a few aliens walking the streets. That was about it.
3. Terms used for being drunk: Smashed Potatoes, Sour Cream and Dunions, Dunzo Washington, Dunz and Roses, Endasauras. Thank Peanut for that.
4. Updating facebook/texting/or in Peanuts case giving a freaking work presentation or writing an essay or something along those lines today with his little blackberry stylette is pretty goddam dangerous.
5. Went back in time another hour.
6. It's hotter in New Mexico.
7. Peanut's muscles look big even when he sleeps.
8. There is such a thing a windmill farms.
9. Bulls have big balls.

We're at a Double Tree in downtown Alburqurque, New Mexico. Early start tomorrow. 7AM, hahahaha. Heading to the Grand Canyon, I guess it's a pretty big hole.

PS: Peanut is filming nothing in the room right now, ie: Adam sleeping, the floor, outside at the parking lot, the floor, the floor, the tv, and now back to Adam as Peanut plays with his ear, all the while snickering. Perfect example.

H-town Remix I & II

So here we are on Day 2 of Houston, TX. Let me start by saying, Peanut was a hero and drove the entire way from NOLA to Houston. I think what happened was that because he was sweating so much he just slimmed to the seat or just didn't want to see what his shirt/shorts looked like. We are also "roughing it" again. We all have full sized beds, a beautiful home to stay in, great hosts, a pool, tour guide, and had large and in charge t-bone steaks awaiting our arrival.

Everyone's heard things are bigger in Texas right? Let me clarify,
Things that are bigger in Texas:
1. Salt shakers (explains a lot if you catch my drift)
2. Glasses of water (actually we could have called them mop buckets. The House of Pies in downtown Houston @ 3AM. I think they just figured we had been drinking...they were right)
2. Flags (these things would take 30 minutes to roll and would require 3 people to carry, no joke)
3. Steaks/portions (I'm gaining weight, miracle I know)
4. Churches (Why do you need a church bigger than a high school?)
5. Houston, just this city, is half the size of Connecticut. Just to put that in perspective. No wonder everyone here fails geography. In Katy alone, where we are staying there are 6 goddamn high schools.

Things we've learned:
1. Tex/Mex is banging.
2. BBQ Beef brisket, enough said.
3. Adam uses every bathroom at every establishment we go to. He's not number twoing all the time, he says. I think he just goes inside to check things out or write his number on the bathroom wall.
4. People don't know where Connecticut is and they think we are rude, or that's what they have told us their preconceived notions were. We prove them wrong time and time again by shutting down each Bar we've been to, literally.
5. Friday Night Lights/Varsity Blues, that actually happens here (high school stadium seats 12,000)
6. Adam has built quite the alias, he's a mechanical engineer who just graduated from UCONN and is now working at GE. He also is a firefighter part-time and actually got burned pretty badly saving his neighbors from their burning home. They're eating it up.
7. Peanut now has 17.5" biceps, they grew since being here in Texas, weird.

Something Texas should learn:
1. Your bridges will not ice in cold weather because 75 degrees is not cold.

So we went to the NASA facility yesterday, pretty cool place. Peanut and I turned on every switch in every cockpit we were in. This outing also led to bathroom trips ending in countdowns, 10.9.8.7.6.5.4.3.2.1.flush. and lots of "Houston we have a problem"s (from the texmex that is). The best part of the NASA visit was the play-escape inside the building. It caught my eye right away and even during the 15 minute video on the history of NASA all I could think about was that 40ft spiral slide. Peanut actually was aloud inside based on height requirements, but I found my way inside too. I know why there are height requirements now because I was literally stuck in the entrance of the slide. We got the ride down on video. I was giggling the whole time and when Peanut appeared from the opening he was dimpled and smiles from ear to ear. Mad fun.

We go out to this place called Brick House Tavern. Adam orders a "sissy" sized beer from the menu. He actually said that to the waitress, fag. After we all finish our beers and Adam finishes his milk we order BEER BONGS. WHATTTT! 100oz tubes that sit in the middle of our table and swivel and have their own taps. Wicked cool. That tap will never work the same, at the expense of Peanut and I's curiosity. We had 2 and had our waitress and company hanging out with us at our tables until we shut the place down, a g a i n. 2:20AM.

Gotta haircut at SportCuts. They have lockers and wear referee uniforms.

So plans have changed a little, today we should actually be on our way to Roswell, NM but most likely we would still be in Texas. State is huge. Instead we are sitting on a couch, indoors with the ac on obviously, going to play some Frisbee at a local park, doing laundry, and finally heading to...AUSTIN, TX to party on 6th Street with Thor and Koreans (we were confused too, whatever).

For the kids (56 seconds for buckets): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHcvWBfRNGk

Round two - DING

Holy crap we need to leave this city. We are spending way too much money, our bodies aren't used to humidity, and we also have something called morals...sometimes.

Yesterday we spent the day walking around. We must have tourist targets on ("BANG BANG", says Peanut). I don't think it was my straw hat though.

We park, 5 seconds later Adam gives someone a dollar.

We walk up to the shore of the Mississippi and get asked, "I bet I can tell you where you got dem shoes, city, and state". The answer, "You got one on your left, one on your right, and your standing in New Orleans, Louisiana". This was followed by him trying to squirt "shoe cleaner" or hotel bathroom conditioner on our shoes. I saw one guy cleaning Peanuts, their still dirty, just conditioned.

"I know how many kids your father has". The answer, "None, your mom had kids silly".

"Tell me your first name and I can spell your last name".
-"Matt"
-"Ok Matt, and y.o.u.r. l.a.s.t. n.a.m.e."

All these things were followed by give me a dollar. Fuck that.

The one guy we didn't mind giving money too, called me out from down the road, we ignored the strippers and stopped with the man with the bucket, he liked my hat. He said, "I'm the best in the streets", while holding a bucket so obviously we were curious. He proceeds to put his face in the bucket...so your the best at snuffing chemicals inside a bucket...nope, wrong. He was the best in the streets at free styling about me with his face in a bucket!!!!!!!

We eat at a place called PoBoys that is recognized by the Travel Channel. Whole in the wall place that served fried whatever they feel like on a french baguette. It was banging! We then walk to Cafe du Monde, well known for french pastries, we get three and watch our cash register women lick her fingers in between putting powdered sugar on the pastries and then holding money and then repeating the process. YumYum...While we are talking food, we eat dinner at Deanies in the french quarter. Service was at warp speed, we felt like we were racing to finish what was in front of us before the next thing came, we lost every time, so she just took our plates mid-chew.

We rode the trolley, they forgot to tell us to get off.

We smoked our corn pipes on the shore of the Mississippi. Watched a steam ferry float by. We discussed how much we are loving this trip.

Hot Topics:
1. Emily asks if we get car sick, Peanut replies "only when you drive". We think she's related to Danica Patrick. Her car needs new struts and brakes.
2. Our first stop on Bourbon St. was at a bar called "Le Booze". Little classy for us, we watch the Celtics game then get approached by a gentleman casually dressed. He asks for dip, whata know. We might know someone who has some. He goes on to tell us he's some bigwig at a fortune 500 company and then gets on a soapbox and proceeds to discuss with us the importance of integrity now that we are new grads and have jobs. Adam is also currently a GE mechanical engineer. He buys us 2 rounds and also gives us 3 tickets to a strip club...gotta love the irony there, hahahaha.
3. Adam and I can't believe we bought $4 slices of pizza. You suck.
4. We pet police horses.
5. Peanut has "16.5" biceps.
6. Peanut and I had $18 daiquiris. We're not gay.


There's a superhero named Thor in Houston with an itinerary waiting. Lets flush this toilet.

Traveled back in time to a place called Nola.

So let me start off by saying, its hot.

Lets head back to our night in Charlotte:
We ended up going across the street to a local sports bar for some dinner which oddly boasted all Pittsburgh sports memorabilia (yes we were still in Charlotte). We sat with some locals and eventually our good looks and approachability brought over the only crying middle aged women in the bar, or actually the only woman in the bar. She was a nurse go figure, who had just gotten into a fight with her beau and that had just "accidentally" broken her wrist. The good murses that Peanut and I are we used some therapeutic communication accompanied by a Michelob Ultra and I gave her a musculoskeletal assessment at the bar and told her to RICE (rest,ice,compress,elevate).

Charlotte reminded me of Gotham City, minus the crazy clowns on dirt bikes and Danny Divito dressed as a penguin. We ended up at a bowling alley the could have been straight from the movie Boogie nights. Fun.

Mind you, we were staying less than 5 minutes outside of downtown. With that being said, we get in the car after Boogie Nights Bowling and Adam falls asleep almost instantly, lol ridiculous. So Peanut and I decided when we arrived back at the hotel that Adam looked too peaceful to wake up hahahaha. We leave him in the car and lock the doors. I get a call @ 3:45AM, its Adam, and he mumbles "the alarm". He actually believed that we tried to wake him up.

We wake up pretty dehydrated and head down to our complimentary breakfast that included fresh omelets, toast, home fries, fruit, 9 road yogurts and 2 hotel spoons.

We hit the Open road...but stop 30min later @ JR's Tobacco Outlet in South Carolina. Adam is in the bathroom for 35minutes so Peanut and I have to pretend to isle shop. We fought the urge of buying a bag of M80's, next time. A woman trucker inside (haha), knew where Hamden, CT was (which creeped Peanut out a litte) and then bought a 30 rack of Busch Light @ 9:30AM and was antsy to get out of the store and drink them. Worth mentioning was the stack of fly swatters big enough to kill Hummingbirds and also the purchase of 3 corncob pipes and some Middleton's Cherry Tobacco. So we all John Hancock their toilet bowl and hit the road.

Every time we see a 18 wheel tanker we guess what's inside: Milk, lemonade, yogurt, liquid Nitrogen, AIDS (McCarthy's guess).

Hot Topics:
1. I think Adam has IBS.
2. Peanut smells worse than New Jersey.
3. We saw ski masks for sale inside a gas station in Georgia, wtf does someone in Georgia need a ski mask for in the middle of May, unless they plan on robbing a gas station...
4. Hit 1000k South of Atlanta (cool looking city)
5. Today we traveled back in time or entered Central Standard Time.
6. We bought a "Sneak a Peak" and a "Tingler Ring" in a bathroom.
7. "Men don't wear dresses...do they" - referencing a couple of things we weren't sure what to called them that walked by us last night

New Orleans (NOLA)
We rendez-vous with Emily in downtown Nola. Let me begin by saying, she is awesome to let 3 strangers bunk up with her and show us a good time. This place is sweet. Outdoor music, friendly people, lots to do. We pick her up from a cafe and then we head back to her place so drop some of our stuff off. We end up eating a local establishment (we want local food) called Jacques-IMOS where there are tables setup outside and also one side the bed of a truck in front of the restaurant. We eat crawfish, alligator cheesecake, and shrimp. We were also told that the oil should be reaching the shore within the next couple of days and that seafood will be wiped out for the next 5 years here. We had to get some in.

PG rated for the kids: We get dropped off on Bourbon street, its 11PM. Holy shit this place is crazy. We get a cab home and wander/run through the hallways of Emily's apartment complex for 10minutes its 3AM and she has to come find us. We were happy to see her/can't decide whether she thought the same considering today she had to go to work.

Things learned:
1. No open container laws, yes folks, you don't have to chug your drink when your ready to leave a bar, you can just gingerly walk outside with it and then into another bar if you please. We caught each other a few times with the bottles upside down for no reason.
2. Adam likes tobacco.

Emily left us a list of things to do, we're gonna do em. Tonight we are heading out to a bar near Tulane University with .50cent drink specials, something we are used to.

I'll keep writing if you keep reading.

durty south

So, we have arrived in Charlotte unharmed and in good health.

Hot topics of the day:
1. Adam: forgot to wake up for his vacation, then forgot his wallet. Shits and sleeps only. Is wearing jorts (jean shorts).
2. McCarthy and I (Adam sleeping) saw a man on the other side of the highway driving a chariot, yes folks a goddamn chariot in the middle lane, like something you would see out of Gladiators with a helmet and smile.
3. The weather is crazy. It's hot for 30min, then rains for 2min, then is chilly. We are at a constant battle with the windshield wipers and the front windows.
4. We are "roughing it" thanks to Michael Baldwin. Aka staying at a hotel that is too nice for 3 college dudes in a corner sweet. Which also had an open bar which equated to 18 free Yuenglings in 30 minutes, the game asshole, free nachos, we're drunk.
5. In the area of Naughatuck ("The Great American Valley") we drove past a women at 5:15AM dragging a carcass of some sort across the highway with her bare hands. Lol ridiculous.
6. People living close to the highway have more broken down cars in their yard than trees.
7. Tried to buy a .75 cent "sex kit" in a bathroom stop outside of Greensboro, it was rusted shut. Next time.
8. We were good citizens for an un momento today. We saw a homeless man before getting on 40W today in Chapel Hill. Obviously I said, "Pick em up". McCarthy agreed. We rolled passed and McCarthy asked, " Where you going?", the man replied, "All the way", lol we kept driving.
9. A UCONN sticker might have accidentally slipped out of my pocket and ended up on a toliet paper roll dispener inside a Duke bathroom, just saying.

Things learned today:
1. UNC campus is better than Duke's.
2. There is more rubber on the side of the road than dead animals.
3. McCarthy is 5'4" 1.5" (he says) and weight 190lbs are you freaking serious.
4. People down south know how to properly use the left lane and their speed limit is 70mph or known in the mini van as anything over 70mph, aka don't drive in it unless you plan on passing everyone in the middle while listening to Ludacris "Act a Fool".
5. They like tobacco and so does Adam; packing a lipper Q2hrs (every 2 hours non nurses).

Tonight we are heading to BAR Charlotte which has a strange dress code, you can wear hats but must tuck in your shirt and can't wear solid colored shirts, wtf. It's a southern thing I guess.

Made contact with our...contact in New Orleans. Gonna meet up with her tomorrow.

t - 1 = holy fcking shit we leaving in a few hours

So in approximately 5 hours Matt Peanut McCarthy will be arriving in my driveway (3:45AM EST). From there we will be picking up Adam at his roommates house (I mean parents house). He hopefully will still be drunk from the Pearl Jam concert that he decided to go to tonight. He "asked me" if I minded if he slept in the morning, I told him it was no problem just not to fall asleep with his shoes on (couch rules apply even in a moving vehicle).

Tomorrow we plan on driving through UNC and Duke campuses and I'm bringing a little Husky pride with me, I hope they don't mind/arrest me. Then hopefully to Charlotte for a few drinks.

I'll keep you posted!